What exactly is Elon Musk’s Neuralink? Here are our 3 guesses.

In anticipation of Elon Musk’s Neuralink demo, we lay out the only three possible outcomes.


August 28, 2020

The Verge reports that Elon “King of the Trolls” Musk, has promised a demo of a working Neuralink device today

What’s Neuralink? Oh, nothing crazy… just his tight-lipped neurotech firm that’s working on stuff that will enable us to control objects and devices with our minds (we think).

We figure this can go one of 3 ways:

Scenario 1: Revolutionary (AKA The Ex Machina)

Musk ascends the stage in total silence while an assistant wheels out a human-sized iPhone. The lights dim. With just a brief glance, he turns the device on, logs in to Spotify, and plays “Summer Hits of the 90’s” radio. They dance, while a single tear rolls down this writer’s cheek. 

Scenario 2: Disastrous (AKA The Skynet)

Basically just Terminator 3, except instead of General Brewster clicking “Y”, it’s Elon thinking “Turn On”. In both situations, Arnold Schwarzenegger is probably there.

Scenario 3: Full-Blown Troll (AKA The JP from Grandma’s Boy)

Musk walks into the auditorium sporting what are clearly two old Nokia cellphones crudely superglued to his forehead like horns. He announces that “the future is here, fleshbags” in his best robot impression, then flips off the crowd. He exits stage left.

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