Now that the dust has settled…
Last Thursday, Britain voted to leave the EU, and sh*t immediately hit the fan. England’s prime minister quit, global stock markets plummeted, and some “leave” voters immediately regretted their decision.
“I didn’t think my vote was going to matter because I thought we were just going to remain,” said one voter. Seriously, dude?
Anyway, we decided not to cover it on Friday and, rather, let the situation marinate to get a better picture of what’s actually going on. The gist is pretty straightforward (Britain left the EU) but it seemed like everyone was using a Jump to Conclusions mat to figure out what it meant.
Here’s a breakdown of the situation, complete with explanation as if you were eight years old and just got home from soccer, no wait, football practice. Listen up, mate.
(Inspired by this comment on Wait But Why)
The formation of the EU
So, let’s pretend Europe is a giant playground and all the countries are different kids’ gangs. The leader of each gang decides the rules, like who’s allowed in and what members are required to do.
But there’s a problem: the gangs are all fighting a lot, and nobody’s having fun. So, one day they all get together and form a super-gang called the EU.
They still have their individual traditions (one gang’s thing was football, another one’s was pizza), their own hideouts, and secret passwords…but they promise not to fight anymore.
Plus, people from different gangs are allowed to join in with other gangs’ activities if they want to, they just have to learn the passwords.
This is great for a while and everyone is having a lot more fun.
The infamous “Brexit”
Things change, little friend. And the UK gang decides it isn’t happy with the rules the super-gang made. It feels like some of the rules are unfair…like the one that says their clubhouse door must remain open (a lot of people are against immigration).
So, they decide they wanted to leave and make their own rules.
However, some members are hesitant. “If we leave the EU, we can’t join in with the other gangs’ games! They probably won’t want to swap Pokémon cards with us anymore, either.”
So they decide it’s only fair if they take a vote…and somewhat surprisingly, on Thursday they voted to leave the EU.
The kids who voted to “leave” are happy because now that it’s their gang, they’ll have more control.
The kids who voted to “remain” are sad because they liked playing with other gangs and didn’t mind when other gangs came and played with them.
Why/how this happened
The EU’s rule about keeping all clubhouse doors open had a lot to do with it. With so many “outsiders” coming in, some UK members, especially the older ones, felt like their clubhouse wasn’t really theirs, anymore.
Kids also voted to “leave” because they hated that the UK was required to give the EU so many Duncan yo-yos every week as payment for being part of the super gang (though this was exaggerated a bit).
And by the way, the leader of the gang (named London) voted to remain. But that’s because he had his own room inside the clubhouse and wasn’t as affected as the other members. He was out of touch.
What happens next?
Well, this has never happened before, so we don’t really know. But it’ll probably take at least two years for it to be finalized.
If/when it is, lives will definitely change…and it’ll be much harder for London to hang out with his friends Barcelona and Paris.
There’s also the case of at least two UK gang members, named Scotland and Northern Ireland, who want to stay in the EU and might have to go their own way. It’s a mess, son.
Long story short, it’s a complicated issue full of hysteria, exaggeration, and grandstanding. Voters ignored the experts, became blinded with patriotism, and reacted to short-sighted promises of change. Sound familiar?
Ok, finish your homework and get to bed.
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