Thanks to reliable sales of fake dog turds, things are really heating up at Five Below

Five Below, a discount retailer that sells zombie drool to kids, is beating earnings expectations thanks to fad trends.

Shares of Five Below, the discount store that sells cyclops snot and fairy toots to America’s future leaders for under $5, shot up 21.9% last week — the company’s biggest day in 5 years.

Thanks to reliable sales of fake dog turds, things are really heating up at Five Below

With profits across its 650 locations 129% higher than this time last year, the company plans to open 125 new stores.

A billion-dollar brick and mortar empire built on whoopie cushions

Toys ‘R’ Us’ undignified demise made apocalyptic predictions about the death of retail seem inevitable — but Five Below’s success shows brick and mortar is alive and well in the age of e-commerce. 

Five Below items are 50% less expensive than similar products on Amazon. How do they do it? By doubling down on the stupid sh*t kids like and selling them like gangbusters.

“Slime, smiley, squishy, spa, and mermaid trends continue to be popular,” CEO Joel Anderson explained on an earnings call.

Zombie drool sells in any economy

At $1.50, how can you say no to zombie drool slime? The price point ensures that Five Below sells more fad products than e-commerce rivals (think fidget spinners — lucrative but short-lived).

The cooler FB sailed through the recession largely unscathed thanks to its prices — yet now that the economy is looking good, revenue is on track for $1.5B

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