Does tech make us lonely, or is it how we use it?

We are constantly hearing about how isolated people feel, so much so that US Surgeon General Vivek Murthy declared a “loneliness epidemic” that predated, but was exacerbated by, the pandemic.

In a recent survey that found the loneliest Americans were between ages 30 and 44, 73% of respondents blamed technology. But are they right?

New York Times reporter Brian X. Chen explored the topic and found the consensus among experts is that tech doesn’t necessarily make us lonely, but that lonely people may be using it in unhealthy ways.

Unhealthy how? 

Ever feel bad because your friend is posting pics of a gorgeous vacation you could never afford? Well, you’re not alone. Unhelpful behaviors include: 

• Comparing yourself to others and feeling bad — even though we know that social media encourages people to only post their most aspirational content.
• Texting as opposed to more meaningful or consistent communication.
• Becoming addicted to or using social media in ways that limit socializing in person.

None of that feels surprising.

People can’t tell if their friend who isn’t texting back is ignoring them or busy, or if an “OK” is genuine or pointedly short. We bail on events to binge Netflix, then post about doing so… on social media.

So, how do we avoid…

… a depressing future where we all sit ignoring each other while chatting with AI bots on our phones?

Well, for as much as social media platforms are designed to hook us, many also have tools to limit the time we spend on them or what we see.

We can also put the onus on ourselves by:

• Committing to regular IRL, video, or phone check-ins with our friends and family.
• Regularly scheduling socialization like we do medical appointments, per psychiatrist Dr. Sue Varna via CBS.
• Using technology — such as apps that help you find meetups, group classes, or volunteering opportunities — to find new ways to socialize.
• Getting better sleep? Weird, but a study found people who sleep better feel less lonely.

Actually, that makes sense. Who among us has never stayed up too late doomscrolling and cultivating FOMO?