Silicon Valley companies plant models to spice up their lame holiday parties

Because you can’t have a cool party without hot people, apparently.

“Facebook-and-Google-sized” companies and small businesses alike are now contracting modeling agencies to sprinkle attractive women (and a few men) around their parties to keep them from sucking.

*Pause for the longest eye-roll ever recorded*
Ok, we’re back.

Yes, as sexual harassment scandals rock the industry and Silicon Valley claims to have outgrown its beanbag days, groups like Cre8 Agency reports that they’ll be sending 25 women and 5 men to a San Francisco gaming company’s holiday party for up to $200 an hour per.

Cre8’s president says the companies they work with “handpick” their models from photos, make them sign NDAs, and “give them names of employees to pretend they’re friends with,” so attendees don’t suspect they were actually paid minglers.

Yeah, we’re sure everyone’s buying the fact that “Bob the back-end developer’s” best friends are all Brazilian runway models…

“Ambiance and atmosphere models” are only gaining popularity

Local agencies say they’re booking gigs in record numbers: Cre8 has 7 clients booked for this weekend alone, and another agency, TSM, counts “one of the largest search engines in the world” among its clients (*cough* Google *cough*).

We’ll stick to our tried-and-true party-starter: a steamin’ hot bowl of buffalo chicken dip.